Handling Aggression in Children

Ranit came home furious. He ran inside to his room and slammed the door. On hearing the commotion, his mom Seema, rushed to his bedroom wondering what happened. She reached a room that was strewn with articles, some even broken. It took a second for Seema to realise what happened and was able to duck a pencil box that was hurled at her accidentally. All this coupled with Ranit’s screaming and anger. Seema shouted at Ranit and when she asked what happened, he retorted with tears brimming his eyes, “Ajay is stupid. He did not allow me to bat today. When I grabbed his bat, he pushed me to the floor and hit me with his bat.” As Ranit turned towards her, Seema realized that Ranit was bleeding from his forehead. She rushed him to the hospital to get some stitches.

Aggression is verbal or physical behaviour that is threatening, destructive or intended to harm. Aggression is often used as a means to survive or fulfil a drive. In Child psychology, aggressive behaviour is classified under externalising syndromes which include some problems like hyperactivity, aggressive and oppositional behaviours as well as some serious rule violations which can bring a child or adolescent into the contact with the juvenile judicial system.

Although aggressive behaviours are seen more frequently in boys than girls, almost all children display aggressive behaviour to some degree at some point in their development. Fortunately, in the case of most children aggressive behaviours are of relatively low intensity and do not constitute a serious problem. In other cases, however, children may display aggressive behaviours that are of such high intensity/ high frequency that they demand a response from parents, teachers or sometimes psychologists. Thus, aggressive behaviour seems to constitute both a common and sometimes a serious problem of childhood that may have important implications for the development of conduct disordered and delinquent behaviour. For example, childhood aggression has been identified as one of the strongest predictors of delinquency and drug use during both adolescent and adult years.

What are the causal factors of aggressive behaviours?

Aggression results from the frustration that comes from one’s access to blocked Goals. While frustration does not always result in aggression, it may result in “aggressive inclinations”, which in concert with other factors; increase the probability of aggressive responding.

High levels of aggressive behaviour are seen as resulting from experiences when a child has been directly reinforced for aggressive responding. Aarush reported to his mother that he knocked his friend because his friend knocked him on his way out of class during the lunch break. His mother applauded him for his aggressive behaviour as she explained that if anyone hit him, he should hit back so that he would understand how it feels to be knocked over.

Modelling is a crucial cause for aggressive behaviour in children. Children learn vicariously from parents, peers, cartoons and others who are reinforced for engaging in aggressive behaviour. Ruhaan hit his mother when she tried to correct him for some bad behaviour he displayed at school. When he was later explained that he cannot hit his mother, he retorted in anger, “But Dad hit you that day.”

Behavioural enactment of aggressive programs, cartoons or media are closely related to aggressive behaviour. Jayant explained to his mother that he tried his cool moves on his brother after watching a wrestling match on television

What can you do to reduce aggressive behaviour in children?

Banish Modelling - A child needs a home that has an overflow of forgiveness, love, support, attention, honesty and trust. Fortunately or unfortunately, children learn from parents. They find it hard to discern and hence it is our responsibility to be a good example of these attributes. Set your home right by having a consistent pattern of love and forgiveness.

Abusive language is a strict no- If you are having conflicts with your spouse, settle it. Let your child see forgiveness and not just the conflict. Don’t harbour resentment in your house else you’ll be harbouring resentment in your child.

Time out - Time out is a technique where the child is taken away from a preferred environment for a certain period of time, say about 10 minutes. The child is kept away from all objects and activities and is made to be in safe place which has no interesting options. Standing at a corner, withdrawing activities which the child enjoys like playing with toys are some examples.

Decide on TV time and programmes - Research shows that just 3 minutes of viewing violent cartoons amongst 5 year olds was adequate to turn them violent. Programmes like “Chota Bheem” where the main character pounds another, even if it’s good winning over evil, has enough violence. Half an hour of non- violence is permissible. TV does not compensate for you soothing your child when he is upset or lonely or sad. It is distracting but never the solution for these issues. The solution is You.

Apply Patience and Practice Firmness- I can’t stress enough on this. Patience is crucial in dealing with aggressive behaviour. Even before your child can throw a tantrum, warn her by explaining the consequences of acting out in a firm and neutral tone. When a child throws a tantrum or acts out violently, it is important to keep your cool and talk to the child firmly. Hold her by her shoulders and then say an emphatic no. Physical restraint also helps your child to calm down. Hug her from behind and then ask her to calm down.

Be Consistent- When your child does not follow in spite of warning the consequences, be consistent and follow the consequences. Else, the child will fail to understand the cause and effect relationship. Your child benefits from being corrected every time, rather than an occasional outburst.

Teach through accidental mistakes- In a scenario where a child is hurt accidentally because of another child or event, ask the child how he felt. When he says he was hurt, tell him that it is not good to hurt someone. When you hurt someone, he/ feels the same hurt that your child goes through. Reinforce and reward non-violent behaviour in the child. Praise him for not resorting to violence.

Deal with bullying- If you receive reports that your child is a bully, please consider professional help by taking your child to a child psychologist. Please do not encourage your child to deal with a bully, by asking him to strike back when a fellow classmate hits him, rather discuss with the class teacher. Teach your child that it is not right to hit on a person of the same age, older or younger.

Aggression might seem like a quick fix but has devastating consequences. As Arnold P. Goldstein, author of Aggression Replacement Training points out, “The first major classroom for teaching and learning of aggression is the home.” Our children are our future.

“Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.”

There are number of best parenting books through which parents can get great tips about handling aggression in children and all other top nutrition tips so that they can nourish their children perfectly.

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Winter foods for children

Ever wondered why your ‘little sunshine’ unexpectedly crinkles her nose on eating her favorite fruit- strawberry or refuses to eat her carrot beyond a bite? May be the strawberry tastes sour and the carrot tastes bland, and gorging on them is not fun anymore! Don’t badger yourself crazy over the issue, as it may be a mere case of seasonality. Foods that are seasonal have better taste, texture and flavor than artificially produced food that travels thousands of miles to reach the supermarket shelves. Foods that are chilled and shipped lose flavor at every step of the way, i.e. during chilling, during transportation and on being stored in warehouses. These may even be injected or artificially prepared to meet the demand for that food.

On the other hand, fresh and locally harvested foods are ‘real’ foods having their full flavors intact, which are released only on being eaten. Even research suggests that eating with the season is healthier as there is a variation in the nutrient content of veggies when they are harvested off-season. Besides the fresh fruits and vegetables, there are certain other delectable ones like dried-fruits, nuts, grains, beverages and dishes which have seasonal relevance.

Indian seasons are basically divided into 3 parts: summer, monsoon and winter season. In this series of seasonal foods, I cover winter foods this month.

Winter Windfall

What’s better than the savory- rich delights on a nippy, crispy winter day to thaw you and warm you up from the inside out?

Fruits: Winter lugs with it a bagful of fruity delights. Pamper your child with a whole array of fruits ‘handpicked’ by my son in order of his preferences. Hence, this list has the endorsement of a child:-

1. Banana: A fruit loved by kids universally, it is delicious and easy to consume. It has myriad health benefits attached to it. It is a major source of energy, regulates blood pressure and reduces chances of muscle cramps. It also boosts cardiovascular health, controls sugar levels and is a mood-lifter. Banana has Vitamins C and B6, calcium, potassium, fiber and lots more. It is suitable to be consumed round the year.

2. Orange: Tangy and savory, oranges are essential for vision, help against oral & lung cancer risk and reduce blood cholesterol. They provide a good amount of vitamin C to the body and are a good source of vitamins A & B, fiber, potassium and calcium.

3. Kiwi: One of the exotic fruits that are available all the year round, It helps maintain BP, proper fluid balance in the body, proper cell & brain function, normal muscle contraction and nervous health. It has more vitamin C than oranges. It also has fiber, antioxidants and potassium.

4. Grapes: This exquisitely tangy fruit is good for boosting immunity and nervous health. It has very potent antioxidants that are beneficial for heart health . It contains vitamins A, C, B6 & K, folate, calcium, iron, manganese, potassium and fiber to regulate the digestion in a child.

5. Guava: One of the richest sources of vitamin C, guava comes with a bevy of benefits. It builds immunity by preventing cell damage caused by free radicals; it helps in the absorption of iron; necessary for heart functioning and improves eyesight. Besides being loaded with vitamin C, guavas are loaded with nutrients like vitamin A, B, E, K, potassium, copper, iron, manganese, calcium, zinc, phosphorous and selenium.

6. Pineapple: Another exotic and juicy fruit that is a powerhouse of vitamin C, manganese and fiber, it strengthens immune system and helps in the formation of bones.

7. Pomegranate: Pomegranate is packed with more antioxidants than green tea and even berries. It strengthens immune system, gives energy and is great for the skin and liver. It is a rich source of potassium, iron and vitamin C.

8. Pear: Pear boosts the immune system, keeps skin allergies at bay and is good for eye and hair health. It aids in healing of wounds and repair of blood vessels. Pear also regulates BP and is recommended in case of heart ailments. It is rich in vitamins C, A, folic acid, potassium and fibre.

9. Cheeku: It helps in preventing heart ailments, boosts immunity and takes care of eye health. It contains vitamins A, B, C and E.

10. Indian Gooseberry (Amla): It is a repository of vitamin C and must be taken regularly to build immunity against flu, common cold and other viral infections. It could be added to mint chutney or to a glass of vegetable juice to fortify it further.

11. Apple: Apples are packed with vitamins A, B-1, B-2 and C, as well as minerals such as calcium, potassium, iodine, iron and phosphorous. These nutrients are essential to your child's growing body, particularly in the bones, tissues, muscles, organs, skin and blood. The antiviral properties of apples can help in attacking bacteria in the mouth, cleansing teeth and strengthening gums.

Vegetables: While children may fuss for lack of adequate food choice during summers, winter season offers a wide and vibrant range of vegetables such as:

1. Fenugreekleaves (Methi): These are rich in calcium, phosphorous and iron. Their consumption regulates blood sugar and bad cholesterol. They are good for hair health too. My son just loves the crisp methi paranthas and the methi bhaji that are an exclusive winter treat.

2. Spinach: Popeye with his spinach tin was my son’s favorite toon. Although he moved on from cartoon watching to watching more meaningful shows as he grew into a teen, spinach stuck on with him, and I’m definitely not complaining! Spinach builds immunity, helps in creating red blood cells and thus prevents anemia. Eating spinach regularly ensures healthy skin, bones, teeth and blood vessels. A mighty source of myriad nutrients, spinach should be a regular part of your healthy eating plan. It’s a rich source of vitamins C, A & K, folate and iron. Palak panner and palak paranthas are loved by my son and many of his friends.

3. Cabbage: It helps reduce bad cholesterol and BP, and builds immunity. It is a powerhouse of vitamin K & a decent source of vitamins C, B6, folate, fiber, manganese and potassium. It may be surprising, but my 15 year old has always liked this vegetable when cooked lightly in mustard seeds and whole red chillies without too much masala.

4. Sweet potato (Shakarkandi): It is a very good energy source that controls BP, lowers cholesterol and keeps blood sugar levels stable. It helps improve digestive health, plays a crucial role in vision, and boosts immune system's response to infections and illnesses. It is a great snack with nutrients such as vitamins C & A, complex carbohydrates, potassium and fiber. Give a boiled shakarkandi with a pinch of salt and a dash of lemon to your kid instead of cookies to make for a healthy snack.

5. Beetroot: This ever-blushing vegetable controls Blood Pressure and reduces the risk of heart ailments and osteoporosis. It helps lower bad cholesterol, prevents anemia and fatigue. It is loaded with folic acid and is also a good source of vitamins A, B & C, and minerals like iron, calcium & potassium. Make it a part of the salad platter for your kid every day.

6. Ladyfinger (Bhindi): Also known as okra, this vegetable reduces bad cholesterol, risk of heart ailments and diabetes, controls BP, looks after bone & teeth health and prevents anemia. It is a good source of folate, calcium, potassium and fiber. Most kids are die-hard fans of bhindi as they know it.

7. Cauliflower & Broccoli: Both the vegetables have similar nutrient profiles. They have cancer-fighting ability; they build immunity and are great for the health of eyes, teeth, gums and blood vessels. These cruciferous vegetables are high in potassium, vitamins C & A.

8. Mustard Greens (Sarson): It is essential for strengthening immunity, for bone health, against anemia and blood clotting. Like most other greens, sarson is high in calcium, folate, vitamin C and fiber. Your family’s winter is declared incomplete if you haven’t gorged on ‘makki ki roti & sarso ka saag’ combo- A true body warming and heart-warming dish!

9. Carrot: Remember Bugs Bunny with his signature carrot? My son drew inspiration to eat this scrumptious vegetable from this iconic toon, and loves it to date. This is the best vegetable for your vision health. Carrots also boost immunity, help in production of blood cells and hoist metabolism. Carrot is packed with the punch of vitamin A like no other vegetable. It also has fiber, vitamins C & K. Feed it as a part of finger food platter, grate it and add it to the idli or add it to pasta if you please.

10. Fresh Green Garbanzos (Chholiya): Fresh green chickpeas are the winter food that tastes super good. It contains virtually no transfats or saturated fats. . It promotes a healthy digestive tract, reducing the risk of some types of cancer, controlling diabetes and maintaining healthy blood glucose levels. This one is an absolute delight with the pods hanging from long leafy stems. You can get these at most vegetable vendors. Beat them raw or boil them, add some tomatoes, onions, salt, lemon juice and red chilli powder and serve as a healthy snack to your little ones. Chholiya is “nutrient dense”, containing good amounts of vitamins A,C,& E, potassium, iron, manganese, copper, zinc and calcium, folate and fiber.

11. Ginger: The goodness of ginger just cannot be ignored. Winter is the perfect time to take the advantage of the medicinal properties of ginger. Ginger not only keeps the body warm but also helps in speeding up body metabolism. Ginger is rich in antioxidant, and when taken with honey it an excellent remedy to fight cold and flu. Ginger also helps you to build a strong immune system. Though it is not a dish in itself, it adds zing to most Indian dishes.

12. Garlic: Garlic not only makes food tasty but also helps to prevent many medical problems. Like ginger, garlic also helps in building strong body resistance to fight winter cold and flu. It also aids in digestion and lowers bad cholesterol.

Dried Fruits & Nuts: Dried fruit and nuts make a delicious snack between meals for the kids. You could even sneak-in a handful of these in your kid’s tiffin box. It’s a first- hand tip from my personal experiences. Even the fussy kids don’t mind eating dried fruits and nuts when discovered in their tiffin boxes.

Their combination of protein and carbohydrates will satisfy body fuel needs, help in tissue growth and in better concentration. The nuts that are great in Indian winters are: almonds, walnuts, pistachios, and peanuts. Dried fruits that make a great snack choice are: raisins, apricots, dates, plums and figs. Dried fruits and nuts will not only keep your kids warm but will also satisfy their sweet cravings in a healthy way. They are a powerhouse of nutrients like omega 3 fatty acids, vitamins E & A, protein and fiber. They help lower bad cholesterol and increase good cholesterol; they also keep diabetes and heart problems under check.

Other Food Delicacies: Try avoiding the greasy bites at snack time and replace them with these healthier options given below:

(a) Steamed Idlis

(b) Steamed Dhoklas

(c) Poha (Beaten rice)

(d) Upma

(e) Beans chilla/yellow moong dal chilla/green moong dal chilla

Hot Soups: A bowl of hot soup on a cold winter evening is just divine. Remember, packaged soup don’t make for a healthy choice. Some of the healthy winter soup options are: tomato soup/vegetable soup/tomato-spinach soup/carrot-bean soup/clear chicken noodle soup/wild mushroom soup/tomato shorba/ tomato rasam, etc.

There are varied flavors available during winters and the children have enough colours, textures and tastes to choose from. If parents follow the entire guidance provided here then they can acquire better knowledge about nutrition for children. So, entice your little tykes to experience lots of seasonal tastes and textures that will not only satiate their taste buds but also provide ample nourishment.

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Parenting blogs

Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important - Stephen Covey 

My day starts at 6.00 in the morning and ends at 11.30 or sometimes 12.00 in the night. There are a million things that I have to do every day in order to provide and be the best for my child. There are times that I feel there are not enough hours in a day to do all that I want for my princess, and I am sure most of us have thought the same, one time or other. while writing this parernting blog I decided it was time that I took a few minutes off and actually strategize on how I can do more for my child while I had the same number of hours available to do it.   Following are some of the facts and realizations that I came to in my process: 

1.Verbal Acknowledgement and Appreciation of oneself: As part of effective parenting, we appreciate and acknowledge our children, their successes and achievements. We live our dreams through our children and in the process forget who we are and what we do for them. Through this parenting blog I would like to say, we should seldom stop and appreciate the efforts that we put in and give ourselves a pat on the back for a Job well done. It is very important to realize that we are doing the best that we can and acknowledge the great efforts that we are putting in, believe me it is an uplifting feeling.  

2.Having  positive thoughts and attitude: Someone a long ago told me, children are like sponges, and they are constantly absorbing information, attitude and vibrations from us. I think half our job in parenting is taken care of if we have positive thought and attitude. Once our children see the optimistic and progressive approach that we have towards life in totality it has a cascading effect and they in turn learn to be optimistic which in turn boosts their self-esteem. 

3.Asking for help and support: In the times that we are today, it is extremely important to have a support system when it comes to Parenting. I myself live in a nuclear family with no extended family for support but I have managed to create my surrogate family, which includes close neighbors and friends. There was a time that I would not ask for help from anyone come what may, but slowly I realized it just was not working out. Once I embraced the reality and decided to be open and trusting I realized as parents we were able to do so much more for our child. With this parenting blogs I urge my fellow parents to take a breath , stop and smell the roses, see the silver lining … be a Happy Parent to raise Happy Children.

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Nursery Admission

Why is the Nursery Admission state the way it is in Delhi NCR?

This is a case of Need v/s Availability equation. Delhi NCR has close to 1,250 private unaided schools with around 1.42 lac nursery seats. On the other hand, there are more than 1.70 lac children waiting to get a nursery seat. Over the last few years, a Point System for screening of applications came into being based on the recommendation from the Ganguly committee.Clearly, a non-uniform implementation and lack of enforcement directive of this system has led to further chaos and confusion.

What's the minimum age for admission into nursery?

Is there an upper age limit too? Delhi School Education Advisory Board (DSEAB) has taken some clear decisions, as announced on 19th Dec’12, followed by the high court ruling on the upper age limit for admissions. For admission nursery, the minimum age has to be of 3 years by or before March 30 of the academic year in which admission is sought. And as per the recent Delhi high court ruling, there is now no upper age limit for nursery admissions.

When will the nursery forms be available? How does it work?

The nursery forms will be made available beginning now. Some of the schools have come out with the nursery forms already. You may keep a track of these on the nursery admissions section on parentune as well. Schools will get a clear period to apply these, and then a time to process the forms and meet the parents. Schools would then come out with the first shortlist, followed by a second list.

Would the points system be followed this year?

Schools, which will be following the point system in the new admission season starting in the academic year 2014, have been asked to give maximum weight age to distance from school (neighborhood criteria). Though, all schools have been mandated in Delhi to follow this system, schools have carried on to twist, tweak, change this to suit their own convenience. The other criteria for points are alumni, sibling, and single parent (includes widows as well under the same head). There may be a separate pointer for orphans this year. The point system has been criticized in the past by the parents for lack of fairness.

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