Fostering early years of development for your child

The time for nursery admissions is here again and parents of toddlers are busy with the process of fetching that perfect school of their choice. Most of the parents see school as one of the essential pre-requisite for a bright future of their child. No wonder some of us spend sleepless nights pondering over which schools to consider, how to know which one is better, how to make sure that they get a nursery seat in the chosen school, what if they don’t get a seat in the chosen school... huff-puff-pant ...

In an effort to serve parents to give best to their children in early years, Parentune, organised this workshop on fast tracking development and choosing the right school for your child. It was conducted by Parentune’s Child Development & Education expert – Mr Nitin Pandey and Clinical & Child Psychology expert Dr. Ann Simi John. They addressed key issues like important ingredients to early learning years, play, music, exploration and curiosity and offered handy tips on choosing the right preschool and school.
Experts took off by citing the common areas of concerns shared by parents on the Parentune’s website. Some of them being:
• What kind of activities are appropriate for toddlers in terms of holistic development?
• What to look for in a school, what are the parameters to judge a school ?
• How to check on those parameters?
In the interactive session that followed experts gave several tips to parents to expand on the areas related to wholesome development of children and choosing the right school for them.
Key tips to foster child develoment in early years, primarily from Zero to Six:
1. Brain development facts: It is helpful for parents to be aware of certain fact related to cognitive development
• Brain development happens in the womb and continues extensively till the age of 3. Play is crucial for development till age 6
• Brain continues to develop in spurts till adolescence and cognitive abilities associated with memory, reasoning, problem solving and thinking continue to emerge throughout childhood.
• Children who feel safe, secure and loved by their parents/caregivers show a better brain health and development.
• Experts suggested that parents may consider that their child is able to speak or express his/her needs and emotions at the time of joining a pre-school. For speech related query, Experts suggested that parents may encourage sentence making and understanding instead of promoting gestures and single word communication with the child.

Encourage Exploration: Children learn through experiences their neural pathways are made through connections made by undergoing different experiences in day to day life.
• Parents may provide safe multi-sensory exposure to children to maximise their cognitive development. Parents may plan for a mix of indoor and outdoor activities.
• Assort a mix of activities for the learner, so that she has somethings to do that are challenging, as well she likes and can do easily. Encourage self exploration and enquiry.
• A mix of ‘group play’ and focussed ‘alone – play time’ can go a long way in overall growth of the child.
• Expensive toys and teaching aids are not necessarily needed to promote brain health. Quality of interactions with parents coupled with variety of experiences and activities ranging from challenging to easy makes all the difference
Nurture & encourage them – be their cheerleaders:
• Encouraging their trials and errors, little victories may tremendously help.
• Parents may help by letting them explore and supporting them by being patient, understanding and available to answer their queries
• Foster creativity – attempt to create wonder.
• Parents may role-model as creative thinkers who love to explore, experiment, strive to find solutions for children to inculcate those skills.
• Parents and educators need to be consistent in their behaviour and response to the child’s needs and interests and at the same time stay flexible as the learners need change over time
• Understand your child’s talent and related developmental needs.
• Set appropriate expectations from the child.

Key factors to look while choosing a pre-school and how to check each one:

How to evaluate

1. Distance to the school – It is recommended that the pre-school should not be more than 5 – 10 kms from the house. Can be checked. However if the parents intend to opt for school transport for their child, it may be a better idea to check the bus route for a school.

2.School’s Profile :

·What is the philosophy of the school

·How do the school live its philosophy ( What curriculum does the school follow and what are the commonly followed teaching methodologies.)

·Does the school has a stable leadership (Helps in school’s progress)

·Past performance in academics and extra-curricular activities (It should be good)

·Teacher student ratio (1:20/25 is recommended)

The school profile can be checked through

       ·The school’s website.

       ·Talking to principal and teachers

       ·Talking to students

       ·Talking to school’s parents

       ·Talking to support staff

       ·Searching the Internet on parents forums

The authenticity of the check depends upon the parents’ way of asking questions and noticing general pattern and deviations.

3. Infrastructure :

Is the school equipped with

·Labs or centres of exploration and learning for subjects like maths, robotics, arts, languages and science to name a few.

·Classrooms

·Cafeteria

·Medical facility room

·Auditoriums, open play ground, sports facilities and  cafeteria to list a few

·Furniture in classrooms, staff-rooms and other areas

·Transport infrastucture

·Security and surveillance

The parents may choose to visit the school to check and compare the infrastructure and other facilities as enlisted on the website and with infrastructure of the other schools.

A school which houses dedicated centres of learning have been found better in promoting learning. However, that is not a universal rule.

Parents may enquire and check the transport services provided by the school.

Parents may check about the status of the seriousness of the schools security policy by checking what kind of procedures and checks do they follow to ensure the safety of children while in school, at the time of dispersal and in the school transport

4. Play equipment - Checking the quality of play equipments and toys is very important. Parents may see that the play equipments should be decently new, child friendly, age appropriate and in ample numbers.

5. Cleanliness - Parents may choose to check the level of hygiene maintained in school’s toilets and other areas

6. Parent involvement - It is advisable that a school should take parents feedbacks seriously. Parents may check about the same from various sources. Moreover, parents involvement in various school’s activities is a good indicator of schools openness and transparency around the quality of schools undertakings.

7. Happiness and satisfaction level of parents and teachers

Parents may try to find out by generally interacting with teachers about the schools atmosphere, policies, and workload to gauge the working environment for teachers.

Does the school provide enrichment programmes for the teachers? How well the school treats its teachers most of the times corresponds to better performance of teachers.

Also, interactions with school’s parents can indicate well about the overall workings of the school. You may interact with fellow parents on parentune from the school.

8. Engagement of school in environmental and social  community programmes

Schools that promote sensitivity around the issues concerning environment, good social practices and community causes are better at instilling ethics and values in children.

Each child is different and so are the parental expectations from the school. Experts concluded that parents can find a school that best suits their child’s developmental needs keeping in mind their child’s temperament, needs and own expectations around what are most important aspects to them related to the educational and co-curricular services offered by the school

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Top 6 benefits of collaborating with your childs school

“Dear Parent, Aryan will not be attending the games periods in the coming week due to an incident that happened today. Please ask him for details.” A diary note, signed by the school head.

Returning home from an exhausting day at work to something like this was the final straw. Without giving her time to think, Siya called out to her 12 year old and demanded an explanation, rather a confession of the mess he had made at school…..yet again.


Parentune - Indian Parenting Sites

Aryan, scared that Siya will hold him responsible, stood silent, waiting for the storm to pass even as Siya continued to scold him for being reckless and irresponsible. Frustrated with not being able to keep in touch with the school due to her long working hours, Siya could not help but crib about the school’s inadequacies in dealing with issues on their own.

In all of this, she failed to notice that beneath the signature, the academic head had scribbled her contact number. A few hours later Aryan shared bits from the incident and pestered her to call the school since he did not want to miss his sports coaching. The next morning, as Siya dialed the number, preparing in her mind the things she would say to win the argument, she was in for a pleasant surprise. The lady at the other end was unexpectedly calm and invited her for a quick meeting at the school.

With the guilt of having missed the last two PTMs riding on her back, she agreed to drop in at the school at 12. What followed was a heart-to-heart conversation, which lasted close to an hour. The incident that had caused so much anxiety was a physical altercation between Aryan and a classmate; typical boys' fight stemming out of bruised egos. As a team, the two ladies along with the class teacher devised ways to solve behavioral issues and decided that fortnightly updates will be sent to Siya about her child's progress.

Also, learning that Siya was an experienced voice and accent trainer at a leading bank, the principal invited her to conduct a Communication Training Series for Senior Children, a win-win for all.

Today progressive schools are more open to constructive feedback and suggestions than in the past when our parents used to have limited access to the teachers and a trip to the school would happen only if it was really unavoidable. Many parents are keen to create a positive connection with their child's school and are willing to make the effort to establish a healthy and open relationship with the institution. A positive and open dialogue rather than a tug and pull, which may result in bitter feelings; may compromise the child's learning experience.

Why is it Important to Build a Healthy Collaboration with Your Child’s School?
“Nobody wants to play with me”. When Priya learned that her somewhat shy 7 year old was being left out in the morning sports coaching at her school, she decided to do something concrete about it. She landed at the school and said she would like to volunteer as an assistant to the sports coach. To her delight, the school was more than happy to have an extra helping hand.

Thus, for a good six months, she went to the school every morning at 7 am, participated in the games and encouraged her child to proactively choose partners and participate in group activities.

In a week’s time, the transformation began to show. The little girl was so confident and proud that her mum was there that she pushed herself to perform better at the sport. Slowly other children wanted to partner with her because she was now an asset for the team. Priya’s efforts not only improved the child’s confidence and team spirit, her immunity and stamina also improved.

The rewards of positive engagement with your child’s school are aplenty. Volunteering has emerged as a powerful tool for parents who want to witness their child's learning and development from close quarters.

Some positive outcomes that may motivate you to contribute your time and effort in volunteer roles at the school are:

1. Confidence building - Watching her parents take interest in the school's activities gives a positive boost to the child's confidence.
2. Role model – By involving themselves with the school, parents become active role models of community participation and value building. Parents' enthusiasm is bound to rub off on the child.
3. Social issues - Parents’ participation can help schools in combating issues such as tobacco use, bullying, peer pressure, drug abuse and other problems. You can plan awareness sessions on seemingly taboo issues such as sex education.
4. Support system - By staying involved, parents can create an open environment where children feel free to discuss problems without fear of being judged. Based on your interest / expertise, you may offer to support student counseling initiatives in the school.
5. Bonding - The biggest reward of this is the opportunity to witness beautiful aspects of your child’s personality in varied situations. This has been seen to help parents gather a better understanding of the child's personality.
6. Academic performance - Research shows that children of involved parents perform better in academics as they feel supported in their endeavors.

There are several ways parents can actively participate in their child's education and other experiences at school.

Read my next blog in this series to know some simple and effective ways to collaborate with your child’s school to achieve more for your child.

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How can parents achieve more for their child

Parents perhaps play the most important role in the development of their child. Parents today lack an extended family support and struggle with their busy schedule. They are on a constant lookout for relevant, validated and credible solutions for their child. Parentune, a proparent community empowering parents has been focused on improving the quality of child development, has taken a new step through a focused three-dayseffort with a mix of workshops and expert interactions. Parentune shall celebrate the essence of parenting with relevant support and meaningful interactions for parents with parentune experts and fellow parents, also through parents’ engagement with meaningful solutions for their child.

Urban parents face a completely new set of challenges today. These include:
•Lack of extended family support
•Stressful lifestyle
•Rising expenses
•Stranger danger
•Exposure to media and gadgets

The workshop topics and expert interactions have been designed keeping in mind the above-mentioned constraints and with a focuson helping parents achieve more for their child.Parentune experts have especially designed these interactions and workshops.

What is the main Objective of these workshops ?

The Parents’ day workshops have a goal to engage parents in a supportive, warm, specific and cooperative manner on relevant areas of interest for parents.
The event is focused on helping parents and hence there is a discouragementon selling at the event. The format shall also have a selected few relevant brands and solutions for parents. Parents may interact and register themselves for receiving communication from the brand in future completely by their own will. Each participating brand has been filtered so as to be able to help parents in different dispositions.

What are the key features for these workshops and 1X1 ?

These three daysshall have an undertone ofsupport and solutions for parents through workshops and 1x1 interactions with Parentune Experts. We believe that a proparenting community is crucial towards improving the quality of child development. Imagine, what all would an empowered proparent community be able to achieve for their child. The workshops and 1X1 shall cover important topics like Child Health and Nutrition, Child behaviour and psychology, child development, Parenting, Healthy Pregnancy, Educationand healthy vision.These will have an interactive, experiential and engaging format so as to have a relevant and useful output for parents.

What kinds of workshop are happening on parents’ day?

Parentune Experts construct focused workshops with a background of their ongoing interactions with proparents. Each workshop has been thought through, prepared for and designed to deliver useful tips and solutions to parents. More and more parents today have a stressful lifestyle. It is at times like these that expecting parents need to be cautious while in pregnancy. Young first time parents are worried about providing the right care for their child. The workshop titled, “Conceiving, healthy pregnancy and early childhood care” shall focus on these areas. This workshop shall be conducted by Parentune Gynecologist, IVF Expert &Parentune Neonatologist will bust such myths and also address important areas like Birthing options -normal or caesarean, Tips on a healthy pregnancy, Myths about surrogacy, conceiving a child and best practices to follow from conceiving to birthing. Please see the Parents’ Day schedule table for time, date and registration charges.

More and more parents today complain of their child being glued to the i-pad, TV, FB and so on. Parents worry for their child’s physical wellbeing, and the impact of media on their child. Parentune Experts, Opthalmology and Education experts have designed a workshop on introducing your child to gadgets, Internet and how to choose the right media for your child. This workshop shall address the impact of Gadgets, media, TV, Internet, and mobile in growing up years for a child. The Experts shall also share tips on how to introduce gadgets, Internet and media to a child, and how do parents differentiate between good media and bad media. Myths about eye health and best practices for a healthy vision of a child will also be discussed.

United States has recently declared obesity as a disease, and India is one of the fastest growing countries for this disorder among children.Parentune Nutrition+Wellness Expert and Parenting Expert will conduct a workshop on right nutrition & diet for a child. They would also comer topics like healthy diet, guarding against obesity, physical fitness, and role modeling as parents.

Finding the right preschool and school for a child is one of the most important decisions for a parent. Parentune Experts would be conducting a workshop on fast tracking development& choosing the right preschool and school. Parentune Clinical and Child Psychologist and Education expert shall deliver this workshop.The workshop will address key issues like important ingredients to early learning years, play, music, exploration and curiosity and shall offer handy tips on choosing the right preschool and school.

Aggression in children is a commonly seen phenomenon today. Parentune Child Psychologist and Parenting Expert shall deliver a workshop on handling aggression and behavioral issues in children. The workshop will address key issues like aggression in children, attention seeking, issues related to concentration, children as choice drivers for purchase, importance of role modeling and Spending quality time with family.

More and more parents today want to be their child’s friend. If you are a parent to a teen, you know it’s not as easy as it sounds. Workshop on parenting a teenager will be conducted by Parentune Child and Clinical Psychologist and Parentune Nutrition+ Wellness expert. The workshop will address key issues like Parenting a teenager, early onset of puberty, Facebook, Depression, Internet, adolescence issues, lying, back-talking, boyfriends and girlfriends, nutrition for a teenager, fitness and wellness, pocket money, self esteem, peer influence, and rebellion.

Please refer to the Workshop schedule for the date, timing, and registration details. Each workshop has 55-60 seats subject to availability.

What are the1X1 interactions with Parentune Experts all about?

chatexpert artwork

One on One interaction with Parentune Expert is an opportunity to meet a Parentune Expert one on one to discuss a specific help area. Parentune Experts include Child Care Expert, Nutrition and Wellness Expert, Clinical and Child Psychologist, Child Development & Education Expert, Parenting Expert, Ophthalmologist & Vision Expert, Gynecologist and IVF Expert. These interactions are only on pre-registration basis, which could be done online between today till 25th July or at the Select Citywalk concierge from 21st July onwards. One could also register for a one on one interaction at the parentune booth at the ground floor atrium on Parents’ day (27th to 28th July) subject to availability of time slots.

Each one on one interaction is of 15-20 minutes. The Parentune Experts shall do these interactions for no charges on this Parents’ day. Please refer to the Experts schedule table to pre-register for a one on one.

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Diet tips for Juvenile Diabetes

 Parentune - Food & Nutrition

Food & Nutrition, Health & Wellness

The trauma and tremors felt on discovering that your little angel suffers from Type I Diabetes is totally understandable. This harrowing revelation can be really daunting and can monumentally change the child’s life forever. In fact it’s over-whelming for the entire family at first, as the parents have to make major lifestyle changes to deal with the malady; but with support and time, it becomes manageable and a part of the daily routine.

A normal day in a diabetic person’s life requires drawing blood from finger tips and testing blood with a glucometer at least four times, at least three insulin injections and monitoring carbohydrate intake. Sounds like a lot to ask of anyone, especially young children, but with support from family, friends, doctors and dieticians, they can definitely do it. It is in fact advisable that your child is made to understand the seriousness of this disease even if he/she is still young. It’s better that the kids learn what they need to know to control diabetes, rather than allowing diabetes to control them. So, instead of sheltering your child from the illness, talk to them constantly and teach them to handle the situation wisely.

Some crucial diet tips that can help control and manage juvenile diabetes are given below:

• 3 major meals and 2-3 healthy snacks must be inculcated as part of the daily diet.

• Never skip a single meal as it could lead to undesirable sugar spikes. Especially never skip breakfast as it is the most crucial meal of the day.

• The amount of carbohydrates consumed can affect blood sugar levels, so keep a tab on how much carbohydrates your child eats.

• You need to curb sweets and not ban sweets completely. One needs to be judicious as far as dessert is concerned, and the sugar profile of the individual should be the deciding factor here. So, dessert doesn’t have to be off limits, as long as it’s a part of a healthy meal plan.

• Eat sweets with a meal, rather than as a stand-alone snack. When eaten alone, sweets cause your blood sugar to spike. But if one must eat sweets, it should be eaten along with other healthy food, and the blood sugar won’t rise as rapidly.

• Avoid processed/packaged/ready-to-eat foods like ready to eat snack, frozen heat and eat meat, frozen potato wedges, etc. Make the child eat natural meats such as chicken breasts, grilled fish, eggs, nuts, baked potatoes, lentils, legumes, etc.

• Avoid simple carbohydrates (highly refined) such as white bread, white rice, sugar, processed refined flour and its products, sugar-coated cereals, instant oats, white potato, aerated drinks, candy, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. Go for complex carbohydrates (slow release) such as whole grain/multigrain bread, brown rice, plain rolled oats and other cereals, yams, sweet potato, winter squash, whole-wheat pasta, etc. They are good sources of fibre and they are digested slowly, keeping blood sugar levels more even.

• Administer a healthy diet that includes protein, carbohydrates and fats. All three are required for the body to function properly. The key is a balanced diet.

• Avoid too much salt in the form of table salt, salty snacks, processed foods with preservatives, papad, pickles, sauces, ketchup, readymade soups, etc.

• Eat plenty of vegetables and fruits every day.

• Choose foods with healthy fats such as olive oil, canola oil, nuts (almonds and walnuts), flaxseeds, oily fish like salmon and tuna, low fat dairy like curd, buttermilk. Limit saturated fats from full fat dairy, fried foods and other animal products such as red meat and too many eggs.

• Incorporate special diabetes foods that help control the problem, such as bitter gourd (karela) ,fenugreek (methi), Indian blackberry (jamun), garlic, onion, cinnamon and flaxseed.

• Include fibre in diet in the form of foods such as apples, hard pear, kidney beans, black-eyed beans, dried peas, walnuts, sprouts, green vegetables oatmeal, and soya bean. These aid slow digestion and absorption of nutrients, resulting in a slow and steady release of glucose.

• Focus on maintaining a balance between energy intake / expenditure (input vs. output), body requirements and insulin action to prevent adverse effects of hypoglycemia or hyperglycemia.

• Eat slowly and stop when full.

• Control portion sizes. Eat small meals but eat often.

• Stick to regular meal times: Regular meal times help the body to regulate blood sugar levels.

• Keep your child active through regular exercise.

• Maintain a food diary if possible.

So, don't let juvenile diabetes get the best of your child. Show your precious little child the best way to manage his diet so she is capable of taking care of herself when she grows up. There will be road blocks but nothing that can’t be handled by tweaking the lifestyle a little.

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7 Questions to ask when choosing a school

When it comes to choosing the right school for our children, we all want to be super sure of our decision and not make any mistake. After all, schooling is not just about teaching children academics. A good school fosters an overall development for your child, helps a child find his/her expression, and prepares a child for the challenges ahead by instilling the right principles and values.

At parentune, we not only recognize the importance of the right school for your child but also share your concern. And so, we organized a webinar with our Education Expert, Nitin Pandey, on the 15th April, 2014, on Choosing the Right School for your Child. Parents participated actively in this proparent services webinar and got their doubts cleared around a host of issues—from preparing the child for nursery admissions, what education board to choose, changing schools midway through an academic session etc.

We get you a peek into the webinar.

Q- How can I prepare my 1.8 year-old-child for nursery admissions?

A-Assuming that your daughter has started expressing and speaking in words, you could begin with colours, vegetables, things of her liking in the outdoors, picture books, and some initial familiarization with numbers. Make it as playful and interesting as possible. You could also try some clay modeling, pattern games, lego, pictionary, games with numbers, making the learning incidental to the experience.

Q- My daughter Sakshi will be 2 years this June. My concern is which board should I put her into? I am in Mumbai. I am an IT- software professional.

A- Best preschools in Delhi is board independent, but for schools, you would have options between SSC, CBSE as well as ICSE, all three being in good numbers in your area. Let me give you a quick comparison.

SSC- syllabus focused and driven by the same, limited infrastructure, reasonable fees, low on technology and physical infrastructure; CBSE- largest education board in India, focused on syllabus again, off late has got a new assessment called CCE-trying to change, one has to go from school to school to compare; ICSE- Focused on project based learning and understanding right from the beginning, gives more flexibility to learn concepts, not so much biased to syllabus completion, at the same time-competitive enough.

Also, CBSE has a clear structure to foster result based pedagogy, whereas ICSE has a focus on concept understanding. Having said that they are both trying to focus on practical/hands on application of the learning. That makes them a better option compared to a SSC.

Q- I have read that if planning for competitive exams - CBSE (concentrating more on physics, chemistry and maths) and ICSE (concentrating more on art and learning) are better. Is that correct?

A-Actually, ICSE has a good balance between science subjects as well as arts. And compared to SSC, both CBSE and ICSE have evolved and innovated faster.

Q-I know CBSE and ICSE are more into practical knowledge rather than bookish knowledge. But the amount of assignments, projects they ask the child to do and expect it the very next day - makes me re-think, would I be able to give ample time for my kid to deal with this kind of pressure.

A-You are right about the projects becoming a menace off late....but this again has been the case mainly with a few CBSE schools, not all. ICSE board manages this with a good balance. I understand your worry about being able to give enough time....that i hope, you would balance well as Sakshi grows up.

When choosing a school for her, look for a place which gives her a variety of learning in the surrounding rather than just rote learning from the text book. When learning infrastructure is not supported by extra-curricular activities and sports infrastructure, it is a downer....it is good if the school has a balance between the two.

Also do look at schools independent of the board, but on factors like teacher quality, learning and physical infrastructure, feedback mechanism, and most importantly the word from the fellow parents whose children are studying at these schools.

Q- Someone suggested that till primary I put my child in ICSE or CBSE and then from Secondary section onwards, I continue with SSC. That will lay the foundation, enhance the way the child thinks. What is your opinion?

A-I won't recommend that, changing the board to SSC after CBSE/ICSE in primary is a bad idea. That would lead to complete confusion. These two are completely different ecosystems by themselves. In fact, the other way round if so happens at an early grade- say before grade 5, it is still fine to move the child from SSC to CBSE or ICSE.

Q- I am unaware about the admission process after schooling. When you get into Junior colleges, how do they rank the children from different boards and give admissions?

A-For Mumbai- clearly, the pass-outs from CBSE/ICSE schools are doing better in competitive exams, college entrances. But outside of Mumbai too, CBSE/ICSE would be a better entry point at colleges. Now, even exams like IIT, CAT give a percentile weight-age for the school results (XII- results).

Q- What should a preschool be about?

A-I think preschool is a great place for child's physical and mental development, social skills, fostering independence and just to be looked at it to prepare a toddler for a competitive school is not a good thing....one needs to let the child explore his/her surroundings and learn about the world around him/her and not push the child to compete to get into a school.

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Why bed wetting is never a Child's Fault

 Parentune - Topic - Becoming a Parent, When parents may be wrong, Home Environment, Health, Disorder
 
7 year old Sunny wakes up every morning and the first thing he does is check his sheets. He seemed to have wet his bed yet again. His greatest fear comes alive and he starts crying in shame. He knows what are to follow- his mother shouting at him, his father grumbling, his sister laughing and Roma bai complaining as she will have to do the laundry! He manages to stay dry during the day, but somehow cannot seem to control his bladder when asleep. Some days he would try hiding the sheets, but his mother would find them and the consequences would be worse for him. Over time this has caused a great deal of embarrassment to Sunny. His parents grew extremely irritated at this behaviour and brought it up at the slightest excuse. At the age of 7 years, Sunny was a very quiet, shy and a timid boy with very few friends.

Bedwetting, also known as Enuresis, is a type of sleep disorder, which is faced by millions of families. It is very common among young children but can continue up to teen years and even adult hood. In most cases the exact cause is not known. An unfortunate aspect about bed wetting is the embarrassment, shame and the affect it has on the self confidence of the child.
What are the causes for bed wetting?

Bed wetting in most children is not due to an underlying cause, but in some children, there may be an underlying condition. It is wrong to assume that children wet their beds because they are lazy or doing it wilfully. This disorder can cause pain and disturbance to all involved.

There are two types of bedwetting:

Primary, where the child never attained bladder control.
Secondary, where the child achieved bladder control but lost it over time.

Bed wetting is known to be related to one or more of the following:

• Delayed development of the nervous system may be the reason for the child not to realize when his/her bladder is full.

• The child’s bladder maybe too small to hold large amount urine at a time, hence gives way.

• Low Anti-diuretic Hormone- This hormone controls the secretion of urine in the kidney. Children with a low level of this hormone usually cannot control the bladder when asleep.

• Deep Sleep- Some children may wet their beds at night simply for the fact that they may sleep too deep and do not wake up to go to the bathroom.

• Genetics- Parents, who have had the same condition, are likely to pass it on to the children. If both parents have been bed wetters, then the child is likely to have a 70% chance of being a bed wetter. If one parent has been a bed wetter, then the child will have a 40% chance to following the habit.

• Stress or an emotional factor- If a child is stressed about a change in his/her environment, for example, changing of school, moving to a new place or even the birth of a sibling; changes like these may make him/her wet their beds.

• Food allergies or food intolerances may also be culprits behind bed wetting. Carbonated or caffeinated beverages are known to irritate the lining of the bladder.

How to help a child who bed wets-

1. If a child is being toilet trained, it is important to be patient, as some children take longer to learn bladder control.

2. Limiting a child’s fluid intake in the evenings may help in reducing the chances of bed wetting at night.

3. Children should never be punished or shamed if they wet their beds. This may worsen their fear and affect their personalities in the long run. Wetting episodes should be handled calmly and accident free nights should be appreciated; this will encourage the child to make more of an effort to end the habit.

4. The child should be made aware of the fact that bed-wetting is a common occurrence among many children and the child can control it in time.

5. Bed-wetting may be due to stress, trying to find out the real reason behind the stress or anxiety and figuring a way to sort it out with the child may help make a difference.

6. A doctor may be consulted to rule out any infections such as Urinary Tract Infection or other medical causes such as Sleep Apnea or even Diabetes.

7. Waking the child every 2-3 three hours to go to the toilet in the night by either of the parent may help in tackling the issue.

8. During the day, the child can be encouraged to delay passing urine as long as possible. This may help with bladder control even at night.

9. Children should be praised if they have had a dry night or have woken up to use the toilet at night.

10. A positive way of encouraging a child to stay dry at night can be by keeping a diary of the number of dry nights by using stickers or stars. At the end of the month, the child can be rewarded for the number of dry nights he/she has had. This will only motivate the child to try and stay dry.

11. To rule out food intolerances leading to bed wetting, all trigger foods such as soft drinks, soda, other acidic drinks, chocolates and cocoa can be gradually eliminated. A diet chart may be maintained to give a clearer picture of which foods to avoid in helping the child remain dry at night.

Home Remedies

Some home remedies are known to effectively curb bed wetting. These have been tried and tested by parents over the years.

• Walnuts and Raisins – Eating a handful of walnuts and raisins at bedtime are known to help to keep the child dry over time.

• Banana- Banana is known to bind the stomach and also help with bladder control.

• A spoonful of a mixture of jaggery, celery seeds and black sesame seeds (all in equal quantities) can be given to a child in a cup of milk every morning. This is known to be effective in bed wetting when taken regularly for a month or two.

• A mixture of 1 teaspoon of Amla (gooseberry) with 1/8 teaspoon of black pepper powder can be given to the child at bed time.

• The child should be in a stress-free and a comfortable environment at home. The chances of bed wetting are more if a child is constantly worried about the thought that s/he will be teased by a friend or a sibling.

It may be very frustrating for a parent whose child wets his/her bed. However, we must remember that it is never the child’s fault. Most children grow out of this habit. In most cases, a simple change of attitude among the family members and more so on the part of the parents, is enough to help solve the issue.

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How to say No to a child

‘’NO’’ is a word which can be said without any effort, quick on the lips and can be said without a thought. It is a power packed word and is certainly an under rated one in a parent child relationship. It is one of the words I have heard most toddlers before they even learn to talk. I am guilty of saying No when it is convenient and often without thinking from my child’s perspective. There have been times when both my children simultaneously decide to throw tantrums especially in a public place and in between all the commotion I lose my cool, my ability to think straight and instead of trying to calmly handle the situation, I have been guilty of saying no to everything they say.

So, how do we say No to our child?

How to give in to their demands?

Aarti, mother to 7 year old Vicky, exclaims, ‘my son goes out of control when we visit the mall. He throws a fit and we end up giving in to his wishes by buying him a new toy just to save us from embarrasment. Now he has thousands of toys which he doesn’t play with. How do we handle his outbursts?’
This kind of a question is very common. Parents often give in to their children’s demands just to quieten the child and save the parents from embarrassment in public. This behaviour often starts young and if parents give into the tantrums even once, the child takes it as a guaranteed tactic, which will work each time. If such a situation arises in a public place, the following tips could come in handy:

    1. Offer solutions or alternatives: Tell your child that if he/she stops the fit, then you could go and have an ice cream or go to the park later in the day. Offering alternatives or having a few options wherein your child can choose what he/she would like to do instead will help control the situation and also help your child to look forward to something else. A direct No is not a good solution as it does not help your child to think positively.

2. Listen and discuss calmly: We can easily get side tracked with our idea of not giving into the child’s demands but sometimes, listening and explaining to your child, may help to manage the situation by coming to a consensual solution.
3. Explain beforehand: Before reaching the public place, you may explain to your child what you expect from him/her. You may list out the do’s and dont’s and ask your child to repeat them. I have one of these sessions with my children each time we plan to step out and also remind them on the way. Now they are very used to the rules and if at all they decide to play up, a gentle reminder helps them stay calm, thankfully.

Help your child understand what kind of behaviour is expected and why.

Little children cannot distinguish the right behaviour from the wrong. All they know is how to behave based on past experiences. Hence, sitting down with your child and explaining why they should not expect a toy/chocolate/candies/gifts or stay at their friend’s place after an evening of playing together will help them understand your point of view. Your child may also share his/her feelings. This is a great way to get started on positive communication and changing any negative behaviour.
Do you always have to stay firm? When to give in?

In a situation when your child is throwing a fit, you know what you should do, but the easier way out is to give in. But as we know that giving in is not the best solution for the long run. We don’t have to be strict and firm all the time as this may create a fear among the child and he/she may be afraid to share their thoughts. Helping your child understand what is expected and if he/she does as told over a few instances, you may give in to your child’s wish for playing that extra 10 minutes, or having that remote controlled car. But again, the child needs to understand that he/she got to stay longer at the park because they listened and did as expected over the last week. Giving in to their wishes should be like a reward. This will only motivate them to listen to you and tantrums will gradually be a thing of the past.

How do I ensure consistency from the other members of the family?

Lucy’s 6 year old wants to be fed and watch her favourite cartoon at mealtimes. Jenny is not in favour of this habit and wants her daughter Jenny to eat at the dinner table and without any distraction. But mealtimes become a battlefield as Lucy refuses to give into Jenny’s demand of sitting in the sofa and being fed. Unfortunately, Jenny’s grandmother intervenes as she does not like to see her cry. So every evening, Jenny is fed by her grandmother with her eyes glued to the television. This has created a friction between Lucy and her mother-in-law and Jenny has found a way to get what she wants.

This is a very common scenario and we all have faced it sometime or the other. They best solution is to have a chat with the other members of the family and convey what, as a parent, you think should be done. Hear out their views but gently draw a line and take control of certain situations. For instance, Lucy and her mother-in-law can come to a conclusion of allowing her to watch cartoons after dinner and her mom in law can feed Jenny at the dinner table if they so wish. It is important to have consistency from all the members of the family.

Be a role model.

If you want your child to behave in a certain way, it is important for us to behave appropriately for them to be able to follow and pick up the right behaviour. For instance, we have a rule of no chocolates after 6 pm. Once my daughter caught me eating a piece of chocolate just before dinner and questioned me on it. Guilty and worse, caught red handed, I apologised and immediately told her that it will not happen again. Surprisingly, my apology made quite an impact on her and she does apologise too each time she makes a mistake. I could easily say that I am her mother and can do what I want or ignore her completely, but that would not set a good example and I would most certainly have the same behaviour back from her. So as parents, we should try to be humble and behave in a manner to set an example to our child.

Tips to handle an outburst and to manage the public eye:

1. Don’t shout: Scolding or shouting will only agitate your child and will wind you up. Keep calm instead.
2. Don’t try and reason with your child when he/she is in the middle of an outburst: Your child is most likely to take every word you say negatively when at the peak of the tantrum. So let the storm pass before you think of talking to your child. Go to a quieter place to help your child get over his/her emotions.

3. Anticipate and prevent trigger factors: The big trigger factors for outbursts are hunger, tiredness or boredom. Carry snacks along, leave at a time when your child is not likely to be tired, for example, after a nap; if your child is bored of walking around in the mall, take him/he outdoors for some fresh air, or go to the play area for a few minutes to help them get over the boredom.

4. Don’t get physical with your child: Sometimes parents get overwhelmed and can raise hands on their child. It is common among parents with older children, who talk back and ignore the parent completely. It is easy to get the frustration out with a few slaps but in the end what we are teaching the child is to handle an angry situation with aggression.

5. Keep calm: It used to be a nightmare for me to take both my children out to the play area or the supermarket. Either one would throw a fit or the other would follow suit. I have, on a couple of occasions, let my anger take over and have either shouted at them, grit my teeth, or freeze up completely. Well, with each instance I realised what I was doing is wrong. So I tried being calm instead and talk to them once the tantrum was over. Staying calm and consistent are the key in diffusing any heated situation.

6. Give consequences for bad behaviour: Good behaviour should be rewarded and bad behaviour should have consequences. If your child decides to play up, then you may warn him/her that there will be, for example, no T.V time if they continue with the behaviour. If the warning does not work, then the child does not get to watch T.V for a day or two, depending on the severity of the behaviour. It is important to stick to the consequence and follow it through as told to the child; else he/she will know that mummy or daddy will never follow through and that they are just empty threats.

7. Signal your child: You may convey to your child that there will be a change in the activity in 5 minutes. For instance, if you would like to return home from the park and your child wants to play a little longer, instead of upsetting them by taking them away without a warning, you may instead signal by saying that we will leave for home in another 10 minutes. This way the child will have some time to wind up with the playing, say bye to his/her friends also more importantly, be prepared to leave without a fight.

8. ‘Bye bye’: Babies and toddlers love to experiment and anything can become a toy. You may find your child playing with the bottle of perfume. It is of course necessary to take it from the child right away, but if you snatch it out from your child’s hand, it will only upset him/her and result in a temper tantrum. Instead gently tell your child that it is time to say bye bye to the perfume and let him/her put it up on the shelf. It is very likely that the bottle of perfume will get a few kisses and a long good bye. This trick always works with my two year old. Even phrases like good night and see you later work. If your child still throws a fit, divert his/her attention to another activity. It is likely that he/she will forget about the perfume in no time.

9. Pocket money: To avoid your child from crying for a new toy each time you step out, you may get a little piggy bank and encourage him/her to save some money. Once there is enough money to buy the toy, your child can have it. This will also teach them the value of money and gives them a sense of independence.

10. Do not avoid a situation: Roshni does not take her daughter to the mall as she cannot handle the child’s behaviour. The 2 year old pulls out clothes, shoes, toys and throws them around. It is a nightmare for Roshni. She has not taken her daughter to any store for about 4 months now and does not intend to do it anytime soon. What I would say works, on the contrary, is taking your child out and facing the situation together. Explaining the rules, what is expected from them and gentle reminders will show their results even though the first few trips may feel like a complete failure of efforts. Children learn very quickly and if faced with similar circumstances, they will know what is expected and behave accordingly.

Please share your experiences and thoughts on this topic.
While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.

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