Let the Child Decide

 
Becoming a parent early in life and raising a single child can make one obsessive, sometimes. Thinking back, I recall myself fussing over every little detail, every action and reaction of my son, Arjun, particularly in his initial years. Though gradually one does learn to let go, I began to take it a little easy only once my son entered the double-digit years. Now that he is about to become a teen, I get frequent feelers that I need to back off and just let him be.

When a child is younger, everything they do or say is adorable, or cute as we call it. However, by the age of seven or eight, one perhaps begins expecting the child to behave sensibly and become independent in thought and in action. It did happen with me.

As a stay-at-home mother in the first few years, I took pride in the special and unique bond I had formed with my child. As the years passed and I started working, I had less time and little energy to tend to every little detail of his day. His frequent ‘approval seeking behavior’ or ‘awaiting my assistance in doing things’ began to bother me, and sometimes even left me irritated. Interestingly, these were the very things that would make me feel important and needed earlier.

Soon, I began to notice his lack of decision-making or the habit (not the need) to seek my help for the smallest of tasks. Of course, he was only doing what he had been conditioned to do, but I could not help but complain about why he could not decide what to wear or which book to read.

Thanks to his father’s intervention, better sense prevailed and soon I realized that it was time for me to do some introspection. I had to confess to myself that it was me who had set the tone for such behavior—from picking out his clothes every day, to guiding him on trivial matters—I had become in charge of his life, telling him what to do and even how to do it.

As they say, children are like clay and hence, can be molded in any which way. In my experience, remodeling is tough, both for the parent as well as the child. But it is not impossible. It needs time and patience but it works.

Thus, I began to incorporate subtle changes in our day-to-day life, to help my child become decisive, and more importantly, to make him feel that he could take good decisions.

Sharing some things that worked for me:

1. Giving him control: “Decide what you want to do with your time. Chalk out a schedule, and do what you think is best.” Letting go of control was hard, but I realized it was time that I came around to doing it, if I wanted my child to thrive as an independent individual.

2. Seeking his opinion: Arjun is now almost 13 and is gradually developing opinions of his own. We actively seek him out on family decisions. This way, we get to have a new perspective on things and he feels included and important. It’s a win-win.

3. Let him decide, good or bad: Sometimes children learn only by consequences. As long as it is not a matter of safety, I let my child take a decision and learn through the consequences, which may or may not be always be in his favor. This helps me in getting a pertinent point across without much ado – that whatever choices we make, we must be ready to accept the outcome and learn from it.

4. Getting back to doing things I love: For me, this has been one of the easiest ways of giving my child his space. When I divert my attention to activities that give me joy, I have less time to fuss over him, and that in turn, gives him opportunities to make little choices that strengthen his decision-making ability.

Gradually, I have also learnt not to be too harsh on myself thinking of the things I could have done better as a parent. Being a young first-time mother, what I did was perhaps naturally instinctive, or perhaps my way of protecting and guiding my child. At that time, I didn’t know any better, and at this point, l am trying to understand how to raise a teen. Just figuring out, like you are, one day at a time!

I am sure, that as a parent, you too have some insights and realizations to share. Do share your learning being a parent in the comment section below.

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Fostering early years of development for your child

The time for nursery admissions is here again and parents of toddlers are busy with the process of fetching that perfect school of their choice. Most of the parents see school as one of the essential pre-requisite for a bright future of their child. No wonder some of us spend sleepless nights pondering over which schools to consider, how to know which one is better, how to make sure that they get a nursery seat in the chosen school, what if they don’t get a seat in the chosen school... huff-puff-pant ...

In an effort to serve parents to give best to their children in early years, Parentune, organised this workshop on fast tracking development and choosing the right school for your child. It was conducted by Parentune’s Child Development & Education expert – Mr Nitin Pandey and Clinical & Child Psychology expert Dr. Ann Simi John. They addressed key issues like important ingredients to early learning years, play, music, exploration and curiosity and offered handy tips on choosing the right preschool and school.
Experts took off by citing the common areas of concerns shared by parents on the Parentune’s website. Some of them being:
• What kind of activities are appropriate for toddlers in terms of holistic development?
• What to look for in a school, what are the parameters to judge a school ?
• How to check on those parameters?
In the interactive session that followed experts gave several tips to parents to expand on the areas related to wholesome development of children and choosing the right school for them.
Key tips to foster child develoment in early years, primarily from Zero to Six:
1. Brain development facts: It is helpful for parents to be aware of certain fact related to cognitive development
• Brain development happens in the womb and continues extensively till the age of 3. Play is crucial for development till age 6
• Brain continues to develop in spurts till adolescence and cognitive abilities associated with memory, reasoning, problem solving and thinking continue to emerge throughout childhood.
• Children who feel safe, secure and loved by their parents/caregivers show a better brain health and development.
• Experts suggested that parents may consider that their child is able to speak or express his/her needs and emotions at the time of joining a pre-school. For speech related query, Experts suggested that parents may encourage sentence making and understanding instead of promoting gestures and single word communication with the child.

Encourage Exploration: Children learn through experiences their neural pathways are made through connections made by undergoing different experiences in day to day life.
• Parents may provide safe multi-sensory exposure to children to maximise their cognitive development. Parents may plan for a mix of indoor and outdoor activities.
• Assort a mix of activities for the learner, so that she has somethings to do that are challenging, as well she likes and can do easily. Encourage self exploration and enquiry.
• A mix of ‘group play’ and focussed ‘alone – play time’ can go a long way in overall growth of the child.
• Expensive toys and teaching aids are not necessarily needed to promote brain health. Quality of interactions with parents coupled with variety of experiences and activities ranging from challenging to easy makes all the difference
Nurture & encourage them – be their cheerleaders:
• Encouraging their trials and errors, little victories may tremendously help.
• Parents may help by letting them explore and supporting them by being patient, understanding and available to answer their queries
• Foster creativity – attempt to create wonder.
• Parents may role-model as creative thinkers who love to explore, experiment, strive to find solutions for children to inculcate those skills.
• Parents and educators need to be consistent in their behaviour and response to the child’s needs and interests and at the same time stay flexible as the learners need change over time
• Understand your child’s talent and related developmental needs.
• Set appropriate expectations from the child.

Key factors to look while choosing a pre-school and how to check each one:

How to evaluate

1. Distance to the school – It is recommended that the pre-school should not be more than 5 – 10 kms from the house. Can be checked. However if the parents intend to opt for school transport for their child, it may be a better idea to check the bus route for a school.

2.School’s Profile :

·What is the philosophy of the school

·How do the school live its philosophy ( What curriculum does the school follow and what are the commonly followed teaching methodologies.)

·Does the school has a stable leadership (Helps in school’s progress)

·Past performance in academics and extra-curricular activities (It should be good)

·Teacher student ratio (1:20/25 is recommended)

The school profile can be checked through

       ·The school’s website.

       ·Talking to principal and teachers

       ·Talking to students

       ·Talking to school’s parents

       ·Talking to support staff

       ·Searching the Internet on parents forums

The authenticity of the check depends upon the parents’ way of asking questions and noticing general pattern and deviations.

3. Infrastructure :

Is the school equipped with

·Labs or centres of exploration and learning for subjects like maths, robotics, arts, languages and science to name a few.

·Classrooms

·Cafeteria

·Medical facility room

·Auditoriums, open play ground, sports facilities and  cafeteria to list a few

·Furniture in classrooms, staff-rooms and other areas

·Transport infrastucture

·Security and surveillance

The parents may choose to visit the school to check and compare the infrastructure and other facilities as enlisted on the website and with infrastructure of the other schools.

A school which houses dedicated centres of learning have been found better in promoting learning. However, that is not a universal rule.

Parents may enquire and check the transport services provided by the school.

Parents may check about the status of the seriousness of the schools security policy by checking what kind of procedures and checks do they follow to ensure the safety of children while in school, at the time of dispersal and in the school transport

4. Play equipment - Checking the quality of play equipments and toys is very important. Parents may see that the play equipments should be decently new, child friendly, age appropriate and in ample numbers.

5. Cleanliness - Parents may choose to check the level of hygiene maintained in school’s toilets and other areas

6. Parent involvement - It is advisable that a school should take parents feedbacks seriously. Parents may check about the same from various sources. Moreover, parents involvement in various school’s activities is a good indicator of schools openness and transparency around the quality of schools undertakings.

7. Happiness and satisfaction level of parents and teachers

Parents may try to find out by generally interacting with teachers about the schools atmosphere, policies, and workload to gauge the working environment for teachers.

Does the school provide enrichment programmes for the teachers? How well the school treats its teachers most of the times corresponds to better performance of teachers.

Also, interactions with school’s parents can indicate well about the overall workings of the school. You may interact with fellow parents on parentune from the school.

8. Engagement of school in environmental and social  community programmes

Schools that promote sensitivity around the issues concerning environment, good social practices and community causes are better at instilling ethics and values in children.

Each child is different and so are the parental expectations from the school. Experts concluded that parents can find a school that best suits their child’s developmental needs keeping in mind their child’s temperament, needs and own expectations around what are most important aspects to them related to the educational and co-curricular services offered by the school

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Top 6 benefits of collaborating with your childs school

“Dear Parent, Aryan will not be attending the games periods in the coming week due to an incident that happened today. Please ask him for details.” A diary note, signed by the school head.

Returning home from an exhausting day at work to something like this was the final straw. Without giving her time to think, Siya called out to her 12 year old and demanded an explanation, rather a confession of the mess he had made at school…..yet again.


Parentune - Indian Parenting Sites

Aryan, scared that Siya will hold him responsible, stood silent, waiting for the storm to pass even as Siya continued to scold him for being reckless and irresponsible. Frustrated with not being able to keep in touch with the school due to her long working hours, Siya could not help but crib about the school’s inadequacies in dealing with issues on their own.

In all of this, she failed to notice that beneath the signature, the academic head had scribbled her contact number. A few hours later Aryan shared bits from the incident and pestered her to call the school since he did not want to miss his sports coaching. The next morning, as Siya dialed the number, preparing in her mind the things she would say to win the argument, she was in for a pleasant surprise. The lady at the other end was unexpectedly calm and invited her for a quick meeting at the school.

With the guilt of having missed the last two PTMs riding on her back, she agreed to drop in at the school at 12. What followed was a heart-to-heart conversation, which lasted close to an hour. The incident that had caused so much anxiety was a physical altercation between Aryan and a classmate; typical boys' fight stemming out of bruised egos. As a team, the two ladies along with the class teacher devised ways to solve behavioral issues and decided that fortnightly updates will be sent to Siya about her child's progress.

Also, learning that Siya was an experienced voice and accent trainer at a leading bank, the principal invited her to conduct a Communication Training Series for Senior Children, a win-win for all.

Today progressive schools are more open to constructive feedback and suggestions than in the past when our parents used to have limited access to the teachers and a trip to the school would happen only if it was really unavoidable. Many parents are keen to create a positive connection with their child's school and are willing to make the effort to establish a healthy and open relationship with the institution. A positive and open dialogue rather than a tug and pull, which may result in bitter feelings; may compromise the child's learning experience.

Why is it Important to Build a Healthy Collaboration with Your Child’s School?
“Nobody wants to play with me”. When Priya learned that her somewhat shy 7 year old was being left out in the morning sports coaching at her school, she decided to do something concrete about it. She landed at the school and said she would like to volunteer as an assistant to the sports coach. To her delight, the school was more than happy to have an extra helping hand.

Thus, for a good six months, she went to the school every morning at 7 am, participated in the games and encouraged her child to proactively choose partners and participate in group activities.

In a week’s time, the transformation began to show. The little girl was so confident and proud that her mum was there that she pushed herself to perform better at the sport. Slowly other children wanted to partner with her because she was now an asset for the team. Priya’s efforts not only improved the child’s confidence and team spirit, her immunity and stamina also improved.

The rewards of positive engagement with your child’s school are aplenty. Volunteering has emerged as a powerful tool for parents who want to witness their child's learning and development from close quarters.

Some positive outcomes that may motivate you to contribute your time and effort in volunteer roles at the school are:

1. Confidence building - Watching her parents take interest in the school's activities gives a positive boost to the child's confidence.
2. Role model – By involving themselves with the school, parents become active role models of community participation and value building. Parents' enthusiasm is bound to rub off on the child.
3. Social issues - Parents’ participation can help schools in combating issues such as tobacco use, bullying, peer pressure, drug abuse and other problems. You can plan awareness sessions on seemingly taboo issues such as sex education.
4. Support system - By staying involved, parents can create an open environment where children feel free to discuss problems without fear of being judged. Based on your interest / expertise, you may offer to support student counseling initiatives in the school.
5. Bonding - The biggest reward of this is the opportunity to witness beautiful aspects of your child’s personality in varied situations. This has been seen to help parents gather a better understanding of the child's personality.
6. Academic performance - Research shows that children of involved parents perform better in academics as they feel supported in their endeavors.

There are several ways parents can actively participate in their child's education and other experiences at school.

Read my next blog in this series to know some simple and effective ways to collaborate with your child’s school to achieve more for your child.

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How can parents achieve more for their child

Parents perhaps play the most important role in the development of their child. Parents today lack an extended family support and struggle with their busy schedule. They are on a constant lookout for relevant, validated and credible solutions for their child. Parentune, a proparent community empowering parents has been focused on improving the quality of child development, has taken a new step through a focused three-dayseffort with a mix of workshops and expert interactions. Parentune shall celebrate the essence of parenting with relevant support and meaningful interactions for parents with parentune experts and fellow parents, also through parents’ engagement with meaningful solutions for their child.

Urban parents face a completely new set of challenges today. These include:
•Lack of extended family support
•Stressful lifestyle
•Rising expenses
•Stranger danger
•Exposure to media and gadgets

The workshop topics and expert interactions have been designed keeping in mind the above-mentioned constraints and with a focuson helping parents achieve more for their child.Parentune experts have especially designed these interactions and workshops.

What is the main Objective of these workshops ?

The Parents’ day workshops have a goal to engage parents in a supportive, warm, specific and cooperative manner on relevant areas of interest for parents.
The event is focused on helping parents and hence there is a discouragementon selling at the event. The format shall also have a selected few relevant brands and solutions for parents. Parents may interact and register themselves for receiving communication from the brand in future completely by their own will. Each participating brand has been filtered so as to be able to help parents in different dispositions.

What are the key features for these workshops and 1X1 ?

These three daysshall have an undertone ofsupport and solutions for parents through workshops and 1x1 interactions with Parentune Experts. We believe that a proparenting community is crucial towards improving the quality of child development. Imagine, what all would an empowered proparent community be able to achieve for their child. The workshops and 1X1 shall cover important topics like Child Health and Nutrition, Child behaviour and psychology, child development, Parenting, Healthy Pregnancy, Educationand healthy vision.These will have an interactive, experiential and engaging format so as to have a relevant and useful output for parents.

What kinds of workshop are happening on parents’ day?

Parentune Experts construct focused workshops with a background of their ongoing interactions with proparents. Each workshop has been thought through, prepared for and designed to deliver useful tips and solutions to parents. More and more parents today have a stressful lifestyle. It is at times like these that expecting parents need to be cautious while in pregnancy. Young first time parents are worried about providing the right care for their child. The workshop titled, “Conceiving, healthy pregnancy and early childhood care” shall focus on these areas. This workshop shall be conducted by Parentune Gynecologist, IVF Expert &Parentune Neonatologist will bust such myths and also address important areas like Birthing options -normal or caesarean, Tips on a healthy pregnancy, Myths about surrogacy, conceiving a child and best practices to follow from conceiving to birthing. Please see the Parents’ Day schedule table for time, date and registration charges.

More and more parents today complain of their child being glued to the i-pad, TV, FB and so on. Parents worry for their child’s physical wellbeing, and the impact of media on their child. Parentune Experts, Opthalmology and Education experts have designed a workshop on introducing your child to gadgets, Internet and how to choose the right media for your child. This workshop shall address the impact of Gadgets, media, TV, Internet, and mobile in growing up years for a child. The Experts shall also share tips on how to introduce gadgets, Internet and media to a child, and how do parents differentiate between good media and bad media. Myths about eye health and best practices for a healthy vision of a child will also be discussed.

United States has recently declared obesity as a disease, and India is one of the fastest growing countries for this disorder among children.Parentune Nutrition+Wellness Expert and Parenting Expert will conduct a workshop on right nutrition & diet for a child. They would also comer topics like healthy diet, guarding against obesity, physical fitness, and role modeling as parents.

Finding the right preschool and school for a child is one of the most important decisions for a parent. Parentune Experts would be conducting a workshop on fast tracking development& choosing the right preschool and school. Parentune Clinical and Child Psychologist and Education expert shall deliver this workshop.The workshop will address key issues like important ingredients to early learning years, play, music, exploration and curiosity and shall offer handy tips on choosing the right preschool and school.

Aggression in children is a commonly seen phenomenon today. Parentune Child Psychologist and Parenting Expert shall deliver a workshop on handling aggression and behavioral issues in children. The workshop will address key issues like aggression in children, attention seeking, issues related to concentration, children as choice drivers for purchase, importance of role modeling and Spending quality time with family.

More and more parents today want to be their child’s friend. If you are a parent to a teen, you know it’s not as easy as it sounds. Workshop on parenting a teenager will be conducted by Parentune Child and Clinical Psychologist and Parentune Nutrition+ Wellness expert. The workshop will address key issues like Parenting a teenager, early onset of puberty, Facebook, Depression, Internet, adolescence issues, lying, back-talking, boyfriends and girlfriends, nutrition for a teenager, fitness and wellness, pocket money, self esteem, peer influence, and rebellion.

Please refer to the Workshop schedule for the date, timing, and registration details. Each workshop has 55-60 seats subject to availability.

What are the1X1 interactions with Parentune Experts all about?

chatexpert artwork

One on One interaction with Parentune Expert is an opportunity to meet a Parentune Expert one on one to discuss a specific help area. Parentune Experts include Child Care Expert, Nutrition and Wellness Expert, Clinical and Child Psychologist, Child Development & Education Expert, Parenting Expert, Ophthalmologist & Vision Expert, Gynecologist and IVF Expert. These interactions are only on pre-registration basis, which could be done online between today till 25th July or at the Select Citywalk concierge from 21st July onwards. One could also register for a one on one interaction at the parentune booth at the ground floor atrium on Parents’ day (27th to 28th July) subject to availability of time slots.

Each one on one interaction is of 15-20 minutes. The Parentune Experts shall do these interactions for no charges on this Parents’ day. Please refer to the Experts schedule table to pre-register for a one on one.

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Diet tips for Juvenile Diabetes

 Parentune - Food & Nutrition

Food & Nutrition, Health & Wellness

The trauma and tremors felt on discovering that your little angel suffers from Type I Diabetes is totally understandable. This harrowing revelation can be really daunting and can monumentally change the child’s life forever. In fact it’s over-whelming for the entire family at first, as the parents have to make major lifestyle changes to deal with the malady; but with support and time, it becomes manageable and a part of the daily routine.

A normal day in a diabetic person’s life requires drawing blood from finger tips and testing blood with a glucometer at least four times, at least three insulin injections and monitoring carbohydrate intake. Sounds like a lot to ask of anyone, especially young children, but with support from family, friends, doctors and dieticians, they can definitely do it. It is in fact advisable that your child is made to understand the seriousness of this disease even if he/she is still young. It’s better that the kids learn what they need to know to control diabetes, rather than allowing diabetes to control them. So, instead of sheltering your child from the illness, talk to them constantly and teach them to handle the situation wisely.

Some crucial diet tips that can help control and manage juvenile diabetes are given below:

• 3 major meals and 2-3 healthy snacks must be inculcated as part of the daily diet.

• Never skip a single meal as it could lead to undesirable sugar spikes. Especially never skip breakfast as it is the most crucial meal of the day.

• The amount of carbohydrates consumed can affect blood sugar levels, so keep a tab on how much carbohydrates your child eats.

• You need to curb sweets and not ban sweets completely. One needs to be judicious as far as dessert is concerned, and the sugar profile of the individual should be the deciding factor here. So, dessert doesn’t have to be off limits, as long as it’s a part of a healthy meal plan.

• Eat sweets with a meal, rather than as a stand-alone snack. When eaten alone, sweets cause your blood sugar to spike. But if one must eat sweets, it should be eaten along with other healthy food, and the blood sugar won’t rise as rapidly.

• Avoid processed/packaged/ready-to-eat foods like ready to eat snack, frozen heat and eat meat, frozen potato wedges, etc. Make the child eat natural meats such as chicken breasts, grilled fish, eggs, nuts, baked potatoes, lentils, legumes, etc.

• Avoid simple carbohydrates (highly refined) such as white bread, white rice, sugar, processed refined flour and its products, sugar-coated cereals, instant oats, white potato, aerated drinks, candy, cakes, pastries, cookies, etc. Go for complex carbohydrates (slow release) such as whole grain/multigrain bread, brown rice, plain rolled oats and other cereals, yams, sweet potato, winter squash, whole-wheat pasta, etc. They are good sources of fibre and they are digested slowly, keeping blood sugar levels more even.

• Administer a healthy diet that includes protein, carbohydrates and fats. All three are required for the body to function properly. The key is a balanced diet.

• Avoid too much salt in the form of table salt, salty snacks, processed foods with preservatives, papad, pickles, sauces, ketchup, readymade soups, etc.

• Eat plenty of vegetables and fruits every day.

• Choose foods with healthy fats such as olive oil, canola oil, nuts (almonds and walnuts), flaxseeds, oily fish like salmon and tuna, low fat dairy like curd, buttermilk. Limit saturated fats from full fat dairy, fried foods and other animal products such as red meat and too many eggs.

• Incorporate special diabetes foods that help control the problem, such as bitter gourd (karela) ,fenugreek (methi), Indian blackberry (jamun), garlic, onion, cinnamon and flaxseed.

• Include fibre in diet in the form of foods such as apples, hard pear, kidney beans, black-eyed beans, dried peas, walnuts, sprouts, green vegetables oatmeal, and soya bean. These aid slow digestion and absorption of nutrients, resulting in a slow and steady release of glucose.

• Focus on maintaining a balance between energy intake / expenditure (input vs. output), body requirements and insulin action to prevent adverse effects of hypoglycemia or hyperglycemia.

• Eat slowly and stop when full.

• Control portion sizes. Eat small meals but eat often.

• Stick to regular meal times: Regular meal times help the body to regulate blood sugar levels.

• Keep your child active through regular exercise.

• Maintain a food diary if possible.

So, don't let juvenile diabetes get the best of your child. Show your precious little child the best way to manage his diet so she is capable of taking care of herself when she grows up. There will be road blocks but nothing that can’t be handled by tweaking the lifestyle a little.

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7 Questions to ask when choosing a school

When it comes to choosing the right school for our children, we all want to be super sure of our decision and not make any mistake. After all, schooling is not just about teaching children academics. A good school fosters an overall development for your child, helps a child find his/her expression, and prepares a child for the challenges ahead by instilling the right principles and values.

At parentune, we not only recognize the importance of the right school for your child but also share your concern. And so, we organized a webinar with our Education Expert, Nitin Pandey, on the 15th April, 2014, on Choosing the Right School for your Child. Parents participated actively in this proparent services webinar and got their doubts cleared around a host of issues—from preparing the child for nursery admissions, what education board to choose, changing schools midway through an academic session etc.

We get you a peek into the webinar.

Q- How can I prepare my 1.8 year-old-child for nursery admissions?

A-Assuming that your daughter has started expressing and speaking in words, you could begin with colours, vegetables, things of her liking in the outdoors, picture books, and some initial familiarization with numbers. Make it as playful and interesting as possible. You could also try some clay modeling, pattern games, lego, pictionary, games with numbers, making the learning incidental to the experience.

Q- My daughter Sakshi will be 2 years this June. My concern is which board should I put her into? I am in Mumbai. I am an IT- software professional.

A- Best preschools in Delhi is board independent, but for schools, you would have options between SSC, CBSE as well as ICSE, all three being in good numbers in your area. Let me give you a quick comparison.

SSC- syllabus focused and driven by the same, limited infrastructure, reasonable fees, low on technology and physical infrastructure; CBSE- largest education board in India, focused on syllabus again, off late has got a new assessment called CCE-trying to change, one has to go from school to school to compare; ICSE- Focused on project based learning and understanding right from the beginning, gives more flexibility to learn concepts, not so much biased to syllabus completion, at the same time-competitive enough.

Also, CBSE has a clear structure to foster result based pedagogy, whereas ICSE has a focus on concept understanding. Having said that they are both trying to focus on practical/hands on application of the learning. That makes them a better option compared to a SSC.

Q- I have read that if planning for competitive exams - CBSE (concentrating more on physics, chemistry and maths) and ICSE (concentrating more on art and learning) are better. Is that correct?

A-Actually, ICSE has a good balance between science subjects as well as arts. And compared to SSC, both CBSE and ICSE have evolved and innovated faster.

Q-I know CBSE and ICSE are more into practical knowledge rather than bookish knowledge. But the amount of assignments, projects they ask the child to do and expect it the very next day - makes me re-think, would I be able to give ample time for my kid to deal with this kind of pressure.

A-You are right about the projects becoming a menace off late....but this again has been the case mainly with a few CBSE schools, not all. ICSE board manages this with a good balance. I understand your worry about being able to give enough time....that i hope, you would balance well as Sakshi grows up.

When choosing a school for her, look for a place which gives her a variety of learning in the surrounding rather than just rote learning from the text book. When learning infrastructure is not supported by extra-curricular activities and sports infrastructure, it is a downer....it is good if the school has a balance between the two.

Also do look at schools independent of the board, but on factors like teacher quality, learning and physical infrastructure, feedback mechanism, and most importantly the word from the fellow parents whose children are studying at these schools.

Q- Someone suggested that till primary I put my child in ICSE or CBSE and then from Secondary section onwards, I continue with SSC. That will lay the foundation, enhance the way the child thinks. What is your opinion?

A-I won't recommend that, changing the board to SSC after CBSE/ICSE in primary is a bad idea. That would lead to complete confusion. These two are completely different ecosystems by themselves. In fact, the other way round if so happens at an early grade- say before grade 5, it is still fine to move the child from SSC to CBSE or ICSE.

Q- I am unaware about the admission process after schooling. When you get into Junior colleges, how do they rank the children from different boards and give admissions?

A-For Mumbai- clearly, the pass-outs from CBSE/ICSE schools are doing better in competitive exams, college entrances. But outside of Mumbai too, CBSE/ICSE would be a better entry point at colleges. Now, even exams like IIT, CAT give a percentile weight-age for the school results (XII- results).

Q- What should a preschool be about?

A-I think preschool is a great place for child's physical and mental development, social skills, fostering independence and just to be looked at it to prepare a toddler for a competitive school is not a good thing....one needs to let the child explore his/her surroundings and learn about the world around him/her and not push the child to compete to get into a school.

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Why bed wetting is never a Child's Fault

 Parentune - Topic - Becoming a Parent, When parents may be wrong, Home Environment, Health, Disorder
 
7 year old Sunny wakes up every morning and the first thing he does is check his sheets. He seemed to have wet his bed yet again. His greatest fear comes alive and he starts crying in shame. He knows what are to follow- his mother shouting at him, his father grumbling, his sister laughing and Roma bai complaining as she will have to do the laundry! He manages to stay dry during the day, but somehow cannot seem to control his bladder when asleep. Some days he would try hiding the sheets, but his mother would find them and the consequences would be worse for him. Over time this has caused a great deal of embarrassment to Sunny. His parents grew extremely irritated at this behaviour and brought it up at the slightest excuse. At the age of 7 years, Sunny was a very quiet, shy and a timid boy with very few friends.

Bedwetting, also known as Enuresis, is a type of sleep disorder, which is faced by millions of families. It is very common among young children but can continue up to teen years and even adult hood. In most cases the exact cause is not known. An unfortunate aspect about bed wetting is the embarrassment, shame and the affect it has on the self confidence of the child.
What are the causes for bed wetting?

Bed wetting in most children is not due to an underlying cause, but in some children, there may be an underlying condition. It is wrong to assume that children wet their beds because they are lazy or doing it wilfully. This disorder can cause pain and disturbance to all involved.

There are two types of bedwetting:

Primary, where the child never attained bladder control.
Secondary, where the child achieved bladder control but lost it over time.

Bed wetting is known to be related to one or more of the following:

• Delayed development of the nervous system may be the reason for the child not to realize when his/her bladder is full.

• The child’s bladder maybe too small to hold large amount urine at a time, hence gives way.

• Low Anti-diuretic Hormone- This hormone controls the secretion of urine in the kidney. Children with a low level of this hormone usually cannot control the bladder when asleep.

• Deep Sleep- Some children may wet their beds at night simply for the fact that they may sleep too deep and do not wake up to go to the bathroom.

• Genetics- Parents, who have had the same condition, are likely to pass it on to the children. If both parents have been bed wetters, then the child is likely to have a 70% chance of being a bed wetter. If one parent has been a bed wetter, then the child will have a 40% chance to following the habit.

• Stress or an emotional factor- If a child is stressed about a change in his/her environment, for example, changing of school, moving to a new place or even the birth of a sibling; changes like these may make him/her wet their beds.

• Food allergies or food intolerances may also be culprits behind bed wetting. Carbonated or caffeinated beverages are known to irritate the lining of the bladder.

How to help a child who bed wets-

1. If a child is being toilet trained, it is important to be patient, as some children take longer to learn bladder control.

2. Limiting a child’s fluid intake in the evenings may help in reducing the chances of bed wetting at night.

3. Children should never be punished or shamed if they wet their beds. This may worsen their fear and affect their personalities in the long run. Wetting episodes should be handled calmly and accident free nights should be appreciated; this will encourage the child to make more of an effort to end the habit.

4. The child should be made aware of the fact that bed-wetting is a common occurrence among many children and the child can control it in time.

5. Bed-wetting may be due to stress, trying to find out the real reason behind the stress or anxiety and figuring a way to sort it out with the child may help make a difference.

6. A doctor may be consulted to rule out any infections such as Urinary Tract Infection or other medical causes such as Sleep Apnea or even Diabetes.

7. Waking the child every 2-3 three hours to go to the toilet in the night by either of the parent may help in tackling the issue.

8. During the day, the child can be encouraged to delay passing urine as long as possible. This may help with bladder control even at night.

9. Children should be praised if they have had a dry night or have woken up to use the toilet at night.

10. A positive way of encouraging a child to stay dry at night can be by keeping a diary of the number of dry nights by using stickers or stars. At the end of the month, the child can be rewarded for the number of dry nights he/she has had. This will only motivate the child to try and stay dry.

11. To rule out food intolerances leading to bed wetting, all trigger foods such as soft drinks, soda, other acidic drinks, chocolates and cocoa can be gradually eliminated. A diet chart may be maintained to give a clearer picture of which foods to avoid in helping the child remain dry at night.

Home Remedies

Some home remedies are known to effectively curb bed wetting. These have been tried and tested by parents over the years.

• Walnuts and Raisins – Eating a handful of walnuts and raisins at bedtime are known to help to keep the child dry over time.

• Banana- Banana is known to bind the stomach and also help with bladder control.

• A spoonful of a mixture of jaggery, celery seeds and black sesame seeds (all in equal quantities) can be given to a child in a cup of milk every morning. This is known to be effective in bed wetting when taken regularly for a month or two.

• A mixture of 1 teaspoon of Amla (gooseberry) with 1/8 teaspoon of black pepper powder can be given to the child at bed time.

• The child should be in a stress-free and a comfortable environment at home. The chances of bed wetting are more if a child is constantly worried about the thought that s/he will be teased by a friend or a sibling.

It may be very frustrating for a parent whose child wets his/her bed. However, we must remember that it is never the child’s fault. Most children grow out of this habit. In most cases, a simple change of attitude among the family members and more so on the part of the parents, is enough to help solve the issue.

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